I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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