just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
