dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
