Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
