Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
