I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
