i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
