Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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