idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
