Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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