**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
