got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
