Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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