after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
