Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
