I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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