Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
