Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
