One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
