Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
