You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
