Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
