the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
