Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
