He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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