oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
