I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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