So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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