saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
