shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
