He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
