3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
