You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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