That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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