we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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