Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize