great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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