like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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