Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
