He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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