What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
