Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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