Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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