I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
