so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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