Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
