you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
