I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Randomize
