Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
