my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
