I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
